From Seeking Happiness to Creating it
From Seeking Happiness to Creating it
The happiness that everyone desires is not the same we seek. We crave deeper, lifelong happiness. It is at the root of all our goals and ambitions; ultimately it forms the core of every decision we make. Some people seem to be born with it, and others identify with a lack of it. Although modern culture associates happiness with success and money, neither grant us long-lasting happiness. Our desperate search for happiness has even inspired attempts to synthesize it.
Unhappiness occurs when life doesn't happen the way that you think it should. To be happy, you must either change your mind or your circumstances. Manipulating our environment is most advised because of its direct effect. Addressing our lifestyle is powerful and necessary but is only one side of the coin.
Most people aren’t happy because they are too busy trying to be. We consistently seek the emotion of happiness outside of ourselves, such as validation or love.
Happiness, as an emotion, can only occur in moments. Its cause may lie in the past, present or future, but its effect only exists now. In this sense, what we experience is not happiness but pleasure. Pleasure being the emotional and biological by-product of happiness. If external factors only give us pleasure in its various forms, what is happiness?
Happiness is not a feeling or emotion but a state of mind, similar to contentment or gratitude. In the same way, we separate the emotion of enthusiasm from its origin, a positive state of mind. A state of mind may result in several outcome emotions.
State of mind is chief because it produces and changes emotion independently, often regardless of the situation. Oppositely, emotions are vulnerable to the world around us. For this reason, we can use techniques like meditation to let thoughts and feelings go, yet changing our state of mind is a bolder quest.
Two old men are discussing marriage over a drink.
"I'll tell you the secret to a long, happy marriage," the married man says.
"All right, go on" his friend replies dismissively.
"You must first find a wife who cares for you deeply and loves you unconditionally. Find a great lover and talented cook, nutritionally. Find one that lets you come home at any hour; one that's a great friend, even when your mood is sour. Find a woman whose beauty is unmatched; find one that isn't too attached. And lastly, find one that makes a great mother."
"You found all that?" Asks his friend, awestruck.
"Yes I did, and I never let them meet each other"
Now, when you read this, you may laugh or not, depending on how often you heard the same plot (sorry, rhyme is infectious). However, what you (hopefully) experienced is the emotion of pleasure in the form of humor. Notice how your smile fades, and your mood returns to normal? You felt emotion, and then returned to your state of mind.
This gap, the fall from grace, hinges on how happy a state of mind you currently possess. For some, the gap is so large that to even experience the emotion at all is beyond reach.
Picture our mind like a river. Emotions and thoughts flow down the river, sometimes slowly, sometimes fast. At times our minds can become so clogged with them, a dam forms causing us to feel overwhelmed.
Our state of mind is the river water itself. Only the speed, temperature, and climate of the water determines which emotions can survive, or even thrive in the river. An unhappy state of mind will expel positive thoughts and feelings but attract the negative.
We cannot control what or who enters the river upstream, but we can control whether they inhabit it. A happy state of mind not only regulates the environment, but it can also multiply positive emotions.
When we experience pleasure in this state of mind, it lingers like a warm glow at sunset. In other words, a happy state of mind is another perspective. We all view the same things from different angles.
We must learn to cultivate a state of mind that *creates* happiness in everything we experience. We can experience sadness, for example in the death or illness of someone close to us. Instead, through this state of mind we highlight cherished moments, the happiness we exchanged, and perhaps hope for the future.
Let’s switch our focus to the mind, and by doing so, draw our happiness from within us rather than outside. Happiness is not genetic; you can learn and unlearn it like any other skill. Some assume this habit as a child as part of their identity, perpetuating its light chorus.
Long-term happiness is an enduring shift of perspective that stems from *practice*. Practicing discarding the negative, by using techniques like meditation, leaves some headroom for positive emotions and thoughts. In combination with positive affirmations and reminding ourselves what we are grateful for, we gain control of our emotions.
Why is any of this important? By controlling our emotions and thoughts, we control our actions and our lives. Some people refer to it as the law of attraction, others the growth-mindset or even positive thinking. Knowing this can empower you to move from the passenger to the driver's seat.
Don't feel happy, be happy.
We can all create this mindset because we were all born with it. It is a fool’s mission to fortify the mind from unwanted emotions, but a wise one to foster a harsh climate for them. A happy mind, like a fit body, is a practice and not a goal.
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes - Marcel Proust.”
